Sitting in the bay window of my flat, sipping lukewarm coffee, with Suki lounging by me(on the table, she’s not allowed, but is ahem, allowed). It feels like Greece was a mere dream.
I was away for just 4 days, but the time was still a gift. The bird song alone was enough to bring me back to my heart.
And that’s what I want to try to write about today. The heart.
During my break, before we did one of our afternoon practices together in the shala, I was googling something, (probably ‘how to dye polyester’, don’t ask…) but I was shown a variety of news headlines, I didn’t ask to see these but they drop down under the search bar, hard to miss really.
I saw it, before I had the choice “Andrew Tate freed, flown to the USA etc etc’. I am not going to give this man, more airtime than he already has, but I did have a reaction to this. I’ve had a reaction to everything the past few months. And to name it, is fear, sadness, and worry.
I feel the need to write about the emotions that I felt after reading yet another abhorrent headline, and how this emotionally impacted my yoga practice. I was in this beautiful place, nestled in a peaceful mountainside in Greece. Guiding my mum and I through a grouding traditional practice, and yet the pain and sadness wouldn’t leave, my mind kept pulling me back to this headline, I felt the pain of all the women, the injustice, the violence, the despair, and actually, this experience as I did my practice, shaped my presence, I realised that these were invasive thoughts, even though they were true, so I used my breath and focus to come back to the present moment again and again. And my heart called, and I answered.
A yoga practice isn’t about perfection, sometimes it’s good enough, it is holding with great awareness what is happening, to ourselves, to each other, to the body, the divine.
Sure, as a teacher I often preach the ‘get away from your phones’ mantra, but this isn’t always an option. So yes, I could’ve tucked my phone into a draw for the few days were away, but it was a working break and I really needed to google how to dye polyester(!). Jokes, aside, a spiritual practice, is actually about how it is woven into the everyday. It’s about how things are, in reality. Because that’s what we are up against.
I layed my body down into shavasana and as I did, the truth bubbled up from the depths of my chest. These thoughts, the anger I am feeling, the fear, the sadness. It is all energy. And in that moment, I decided (again), that from now, all action is love. If I feel a reaction to a headline, to feel it as what it is (anger, sadness, madness) and galvanise it as love. It is THE most radical thing to do, to keep loving. In this world, it is what is needed. Love, peace, liberation.
I found a calm in this realisation, I found honesty, and hope. An actionable thing.
That all of us can do.
Big group soundbaths have got more challenging, and I’m not alone, I’ve had other healers reaching out to me asking ‘Is it just me?’
I reply, ‘no, it’s not just you’.
The collective conscious is fear, and it has grown. Fuelled by uncertainty, neglect, and by a world that seems to now be led by narcissistic, rapists who don’t care if the planet burns, if inequality surges and those in need don’t get aid.
It’s hard really, to reside in the world of wellness, but also have a political and social interest and view. I do not watch the news religiously, or scroll through the Guardian for hours. It hurts my heart too much. HOWEVER, if we are to be healers, helpers, light bringers, in my opinion, we have a duty to know, see and witness the world, in whatever way we can. As I’ve said in previous posts, sometimes I do not have the capacity to see ‘it all’. But it’s important to see things, for what they are.
If some healers find it helpful to ignore the mainstream, believe in simulation theory, then that’s fine. But I’m not entirely sure how that helps clients, the people right in front of you who are paying the rent, managing broken down cars, grief, work worries, political uncertainty and huge awful news headlines. Or those in the world who are suffering unimaginable things. Because in my view, we have a duty to understand what is happening, and help guide clients home, to a place of truth and peace.
Your practice, in whatever form it takes, doesn’t have to be perfect, it’s not about you, me or us being saviours, but making the decision to reside in our hearts. When the darkness feels like it is growing, how can we galvanise our stronger parts in order to help.
I don’t always find it easy to be in my heart. For the heart holds it all, sadness, joy, love, compassion, connection. And this isn’t always easy. It sometimes takes effort to feel all the things fully. Anxiety can be a blanket that wraps our hearts, our body, our ability to be present. But underneath there is often emotion. It is sometimes ok, to opt out, scroll through those cat videos and sip the red wine(is this just me?). But too much of this is masking, blocking, hiding from our beautiful truth, our love.
Lastly, I wanted to add, that if you are angry. That’s ok. I’m angry. Really angry.
But if I look closer, under that anger, I am heartbroken, for those in our world who are struggling. So, what can I do, what do I have? Love, feel my heart, connect to the divine and draw on bravery.
I shall continue trying to show up, the best I can to offer healing, support, a light, joy, expansion, knowledge, growth and love.
So, if my musings have touched your heart. Think on Brahmacharya, ‘right use of energy’. If everything is energy, how are you spending yours, how can you direct your energy back to your heart, then out into the world. How can you let yourself be loved and love in return. Directing our energy away from the external, and towards a deeper purpose or meaning.
As always I’m not sure I’ve made much sense, or perhaps you’ve not made it to the end of the post, but thank you if you have.
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